Sunday, August 30, 2009

It was a small mistake, but sometimes, that's all it takes.

So Thursday night my friend and I were leaving a party after having a few drinks. I was driving, of course, and the next thing you know, I'm pulled over and doing a variety of sobriety tests. The breathalyzer said my BAC was .113. My friend's was even worse. The cop slapped handcuffs on me and off to jail I went. Yes, I went to jail and received an OWI (operating while intoxicated). While it was not the worst experience I've ever been through, it was no pleasant experience. I didn't even get booked until around 4:30-5:00 in the morning and then they put me in the holding cell with just a mat to sleep on. I was with two other girls (luckily they were very nice) and we had no blankets to sleep with. It was freezing cold. My bail was $112.00 and I wasn't allowed to be released until at least 10:00 in the morning. I had to call one of my close friends to bail me out and he didn't get there until noon, so I spent 10 hours in jail. He had to take me home, as my car was impounded. Telling my mom was the worst thing... she was so disappointed. Luckily, she's been in this kind of trouble before, so she's willing to help me in any way. Getting my car out of the impound was $201.00 and I'm going to court this Thursday to see what kind of fines and punishments I'm getting slapped with. I'm most likely going to lose my license, and in the long run, I'm probably going to have to pay over $2,500.00 in fines to the state of Michigan. Not to mention I'm not going to be able to celebrate my 21st birthday that comes in less than a month. Was it worth it? No way.

This was definitely a wake-up call, though. I've decided that it's time to put partying on hold, at least for awhile. This is a time to get my life in order, to figure out how I'm going to get through this. I know my friends will be there for me always, and my family has already been such a help. Although this is a horrible ordeal, I can only see it as a blessing... a blessing in disguise. It has opened my eyes to the dangers of what I've been doing since I was 16 years old. It has also made me see that maybe this is the time to start getting healthy again... to quit drinking, to quit smoking, to start working out at least 3 or 4 times a week. College for me starts again tomorrow morning and this would be a wonderful opportunity to throw myself into my studies and to come out on top. No matter what, I will NOT let this bring me down.

Advice of the day: Even in a bad situation, there's always a positive side, even if you can't see it yet.

Learn from your mistakes. Find the optimism in a pessimistic situation. Look on the bright side of things. Find ways of bettering yourself. Believe me, this is what makes you strong. Strength is the most important factor of surviving this rollercoaster ride called life. So although this may slow my life down a little, it will not stop it completely. I'm still living, still breathing, and will continue to do so no matter what it takes.

Song of the day: Any song that helps you get through the bad times.

Monday, August 24, 2009

If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough.

Jump. Dive headfirst. Take control. Be your own destiny. Sure, I've heard the infamous line "But if I risk it all, I might lose it all." I can guarantee there's not a soul out there who hasn't thought this or said this. And yes, you may be right. You just may lose it all. But honestly, is that really such a bad thing? You will rise above the losses and in turn you will gain strength... strength that proves you can handle any tough situation life may throw at you.

Life is about taking chances, so why doesn't anyone take any? Rejection, fear, anxiety, nervousness, does this sound familiar to anyone? These are the classic symptoms that seem to appear whenever the opportunity to take a chance arrises. But stop fretting. Lay your heart and soul out there and see what happens. It could just be the best thing you could possibly do for yourself. Whether it's going for that big promotion, or talking to that boy/girl you like, take that risk.
Advice of the day: Never regret anything because at one time, it was something you really wanted.

I used to regret so many of the things I've done in my life. I've made so many mistakes and taken so many risks, and yes, I've sometimes lost it all. I've been down on my knees, praying for someone to save me. But I saved myself. Sure, I leaned on the loved ones who surrounded me, and used them for guidance and support. Ultimately, though, it was I who picked myself back up, it was I who fought through the struggle. And I won. I consider myself to be a very strong individual, but that strength was not something I've always had. I gained it. And to me, that strength is enough to carry me through life like a shield. I can take the risks now. I can handle them. And to me, that is the ultimate gift of life... so please, don't just dip your toes, cannonball into that water and see how big of a splash you can make!

Song of the day: Kelly Clarkson "Long Shot"

Friday, August 21, 2009

Be yourself... who else is better qualified?

I'm just a simple girl from a simple family who lives in a simple place... I have simple best friends and a seemingly simple life. But then, does anyone really consider themselves to have a simple life? I know that I consider my life to be quite complicated in contrast to the simple life I've described. I've gone through the same things any young person living in today's world has gone through. I've had my heart broken, my will snapped in half, and my trust flushed down the drain. I've had my car vandalized, I've had my rent money stolen from me by my very own roommate, I've been backstabbed by the people whom were closest to me. I've had an alcohol abuse problem (and have since risen above it). I've had attention issues, anger management problems, and a deep, dark depression that still comes about uninvited. I've been there, done that. But through all the pain, all the anguish, and all of the fear, I've become something even stronger that those things combined... I've become myself.

I have never lost touch with myself completely. Sure, I've lost myself to the point where I didn't think I would be able to find myself again... but I was always there, deep in the depths of my very soul. It took a lot for me to find the pieces of me again, but I did. I succeeded.

Does anyone ever feel this way? Like you're losing yourself to everything surrounding you... your friends and family, your worst enemies, the constant rushing of the daily rat race, where you live, the television, and even the computer where I now sit writing this. All of these things take hold of you with the grip of iron and steel.

My words of advice for today: Take your time, don't live too fast, troubles will come and they will pass.

What does this have to do with being yourself, you may be asking. Well, it has EVERYTHING to do with being yourself. Allow yourself time to breathe, time to relax and unwind. You'll find that all the answers to your questions will instantly appear when you meditate. No, meditating isn't necessarily the stereotypical type you're thinking of... meditating doesn't have to be sitting cross-legged on the floor with your thumbs and index fingers touching while you're humming to yourself. Meditation can be anything, anything at all that relaxes you. Reading, writing, painting, exercising, listening to calming music, taking hot bubble baths, yoga, or even sleeping could be your escape. Believe me, without my periods of alone time, I would go completely insane. So just remember... you're the only one who can live your life, you're the only one who can create your own happiness... reward your precious self with some peace of mind.

Song of the day: Anna Nalick "Breathe (2 A.M.)"
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