Monday, December 28, 2009

Go ahead and tell me my dreams are unrealistic; I'll tell you yours aren't big enough.

I have always been a dreamer. I want and dream about so much, it's hard to sort between reality and the imagined. One day, I hope to turn the imagined into reality, and nobody will tell me otherwise. My dreams have been laughed at, talked about, and shot down. But why? Why can't I dream? Why can't I set huge, seemingly impossible goals for myself? What's wrong with staying optimistic and telling myself that someday, I will achieve these goals? Most, I probably will never obtain. Some, I'm working on right now. But just because I may not ever reach these goals doesn't mean that I can't still try.

I know that I say to live for the moment, and I mean every word of that, but sometimes, I think about the future and feel that it's okay to dream, to also live for the future. Without a life's purpose, without something to look forward to living for, nobody would search for further contentment. Yes, live for the moment, but don't let that moment's satisfaction stop you from searching for a lifetime's satisfaction.

Something I wrote today while I was day-dreaming:

"Because I tend to think things through before acting upon them, I tend to get left behind as others move forward, looking for something or someone who will satisfy their happiness at that moment. That momentary satisfaction is not enough to fill their hunger for bigger and better things; that's why I continue to choose to wait for that someone or something that will satisfy me not only for the moment, but for a lifetime."

I live by this. I used to just take life by the reins and hold on tight. As I've gotten older, and learned from my mistakes, I've also learned that the future is just as important as the present. 

Advice of the day: Never live in the past, for it is impossible to change it, but live in the present and the future, for these are the times that will guide you on your way through life.

Song of the day: Stacie Orrico "(There's Gotta Be) More To Life"

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Don't let idiots ruin your day.

I am incredibly sick and tired of people walking all over me. It's not something I allow, nor have I allowed it to happen for years, but all of sudden, everyone seems to be walking all over me. Apparently I take advantage of everyone when really I'm constantly going out of my way to do things for my friends and family.

Throughout the past day, I have lain in my bed and thought, driven my car and thought, worked and thought. All this thinking I've been doing has reminded me that I don't need people like that in my life. I am happy with myself and who I am, and I definitely don't need anyone bringing me down. Honestly, I'm not going to waste my time being angry and upset with these people causing me these problems. What's the point? I'd just be presenting to the world that these people managed to get to me, to break me to my very inner core.

These hypocrites will NOT break me down. They will NOT get the better of me. They will NOT abuse me. And they most definitely will NOT succeed in pushing me around.

No way will I EVER let that happen.

Advice of the day: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Song of the day: Matchbox 20 "Push"

Monday, November 16, 2009

Don't let somebody else create you because once they do, they can totally destroy you.

Everyone wants to fit in. Everyone wants to be popular and well-liked. It's just a part of human nature. Acceptance is one of the main things we strive for in life. Even if you say you don't care what anyone thinks of you, you're lying because you do, even if it's just a tiny part of you that does care. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted by the people who surround you.

What is wrong is giving yourself completely over to someone just to feel accepted. High school is a huge example of this. Wanting to fit in with the "popular" crowd, you completely change who you are. You change your clothes, your hair, your habits, and your personality so you can fit in and be well-liked. But your so-called "friends" are never happy with you regardless of how much or how little you change. They're always trying to improve you. What gives them that right?

Yes, this has happened to me. Even I'm not immune. I tried to be just like everyone else, and instead, I came crashing down to Earth at 100 miles an hour. I realized that even the acceptance that I craved (and was getting) wasn't enough to make me happy. I was so unhappy I fell into a deep depression, and stayed there until I became who I am today.

Advice of the day: Learn to accept yourself, and others will learn to accept you.

I'm very proud of the person I've come to be. I know who truly cares for me and who truly doesn't. For the ones that don't, you're missing out, but that's your problem. The ones who really love and care for you will love you for you, no matter who you are. Learn to sort out the real from the fake.

Song of the day: Blessed Union of Souls "Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)"

Sunday, October 11, 2009

From every wound there is a scar and every scar tells a story -- a story that says "I survived."

We've all been hurt. Battle scars exist in each and every one of us. Whether it's losing your first true love, or the death of a parent/friend, we all have wounds that cut deeply. But if you have the kind of strength that I believe exists in all of us, you can pick yourself up off the ground and stand proudly back up.

What I find really intriguing about these kinds of scars is that they're emotional, not physical, yet if you look closely enough, you can actually see the pain, the anguish, and the intensity of that wounded person. You can look directly into their eyes and see their life story. It's terribly amazing.

What we all must remember is that life is all about the ups and downs; it's merely a very long roller coaster ride. The bumps and bruises we obtain along the way make us who we are. We grow from every bit of suffering that we go through. I know my experiences have made me the strong-willed person that I am today. Every downfall that happens makes me stronger and wiser. Things hardly phase me anymore, yet I know I have a lot of learning left to do.

Advice of the day: Do not be afraid to suffer, for without suffering we would never realize the truly wonderful elements of life.

Feel free to share your scar stories if you'd like -- be sure to include what you gained from the experience, too!

Song of the day: Darryl Worley "Awful Beautiful Life"

Friday, October 2, 2009

Stop figuring out where you're going and enjoy where you're at.

Too many people spend too much of their precious time worrying about the future. True, the future is a scary concept, especially in today's struggling economy. Prices are rising and wages are staying the same. Being a college student in America, I know how scary the future is. I already have $5,000 in loans and there's plenty more to come just so I can get myself through school.

But through all this, I have come to realize one thing: live for the present. Live every moment as if it were your last. Live like you were dying. I'm not saying don't think about the future. I'm saying don't worry about it. If you work hard and live great, every piece will fall into place.

Advice of the day: Laugh when nothing's funny, dance when there's no music, sing like you've never sung before, love 'til it hurts, cry when you're sad, smile when you're happy, and live every day like it's your last. 

This is something everyone has trouble remembering. We're constantly revolving around the trivial matters... gossip, drama, enemies and frenemies. Too many angry words are wasted on the people you love. Think before you speak so you regret nothing you've said.

Another word to the wise: stop living in the past. The past does nothing but haunt you. Thinking "what if" about every regret you've had does nothing for you. There is no such thing as time travel. You cannot go back and change the past. So take my advice and live for each new day. Wake up early and enjoy the sunrise. Sit on your porch and enjoy the sunset. Allow these moments to set you free...

Song of the day: James Otto "Days Of Our Lives"

Friday, September 18, 2009

Fighting back is what I've discovered I do best.


I know you've been there. Picked on, stomped on, beaten, bruised, and bullied until you just don't think you can take anymore. Or maybe it was you who was the bully and the instigator. Most bullies are just like us and have very little self-esteem, so putting down others makes them feel a little better about themselves.

But then you will hit a certain point when you say, "I've had enough. I'm tired of being walked all over. I'm tired of being taken for granted." Stand up for yourself. Make them believe that you're not going to take it anymore. I know that as a young adolesent in middle school, my group of friends and I were not only the bullies, but also the bullied. We would gang up against each other to the point of making each other cry uncontrollably. We were mean and vicious. If one of us was mad at the other, then the whole group would be mad at that person. I've been shoved into lockers, terrorized through the Internet, and called every horrible name in the book, including ugly, fat, whore, slut, bitch, and have been told to "rot in hell."And this doesn't just happen in school, it happens in the real world, too. I know this because it's happened to me, even being graduated from high school for three years now.

How can we treat others this way? What gives us the right? Who told us that we could criticize and abuse our fellow human beings? We're not perfect, so why should we expect everyone else to be?

Advice of the day: FIGHT BACK.

Get mad. Throw a fit. Show that you're the stronger one. Don't be afraid to stand tall. You deserve to. But never, ever sink to their level. Don't throw nasty words back. Don't physically fight them. Most importantly, never show them that they've gotten under your skin.

One of my favorite quotes (childish, but still inspirational) to live by: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." And another: "Don't worry if people are talking behind your back. It just means that you're ahead of them."

Songs of the day: Christina Aguilera "Fighter" and Limp Bizkit "Break Stuff"

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Learn to make yourself happy.

Learning to create your own happiness is probably the most important lesson to be learned in life. This is a something I had to learn the hard way. For years I've looked for the one person that could make me truly happy with myself and my life. I've expected too much from too many. How could I possibly expect someone to be able to make me happy and free when I myself am not happy and free? It's truly an impossible feat.

Be very careful, for you also create your own loneliness. I know this from experience. I like to believe that I'm one of the loneliest to exist in this world (though I know it's not true). I've struggled to find the ones who truly care about me when they've been by my side the entire time. I chose to believe that nobody cared, that I was all alone in the world. I chose to believe that nobody could possibly understand how I felt or what I was going through. But I know now that that is the most untrue thing I could have ever thought.

Advice of the day: Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.

Yes, others can HELP make you happy. Others can give you all of their love, support, and advice, but it will never be enough until you realize who's really in control of the way you feel.. and that, of course, is you. Look beyond your imperfections, nobody is perfect. Don't dwell on the past because the future is what's ahead. Find a reason to smile. Put yourself in someone else' shoes. You'll realize how amazing you really have it. Pick yourself up when you fall. And always remember... there's light even in the darkest of places.

Song of the day: Switchfoot "Dare You To Move"

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Sunday, August 30, 2009

It was a small mistake, but sometimes, that's all it takes.

So Thursday night my friend and I were leaving a party after having a few drinks. I was driving, of course, and the next thing you know, I'm pulled over and doing a variety of sobriety tests. The breathalyzer said my BAC was .113. My friend's was even worse. The cop slapped handcuffs on me and off to jail I went. Yes, I went to jail and received an OWI (operating while intoxicated). While it was not the worst experience I've ever been through, it was no pleasant experience. I didn't even get booked until around 4:30-5:00 in the morning and then they put me in the holding cell with just a mat to sleep on. I was with two other girls (luckily they were very nice) and we had no blankets to sleep with. It was freezing cold. My bail was $112.00 and I wasn't allowed to be released until at least 10:00 in the morning. I had to call one of my close friends to bail me out and he didn't get there until noon, so I spent 10 hours in jail. He had to take me home, as my car was impounded. Telling my mom was the worst thing... she was so disappointed. Luckily, she's been in this kind of trouble before, so she's willing to help me in any way. Getting my car out of the impound was $201.00 and I'm going to court this Thursday to see what kind of fines and punishments I'm getting slapped with. I'm most likely going to lose my license, and in the long run, I'm probably going to have to pay over $2,500.00 in fines to the state of Michigan. Not to mention I'm not going to be able to celebrate my 21st birthday that comes in less than a month. Was it worth it? No way.

This was definitely a wake-up call, though. I've decided that it's time to put partying on hold, at least for awhile. This is a time to get my life in order, to figure out how I'm going to get through this. I know my friends will be there for me always, and my family has already been such a help. Although this is a horrible ordeal, I can only see it as a blessing... a blessing in disguise. It has opened my eyes to the dangers of what I've been doing since I was 16 years old. It has also made me see that maybe this is the time to start getting healthy again... to quit drinking, to quit smoking, to start working out at least 3 or 4 times a week. College for me starts again tomorrow morning and this would be a wonderful opportunity to throw myself into my studies and to come out on top. No matter what, I will NOT let this bring me down.

Advice of the day: Even in a bad situation, there's always a positive side, even if you can't see it yet.

Learn from your mistakes. Find the optimism in a pessimistic situation. Look on the bright side of things. Find ways of bettering yourself. Believe me, this is what makes you strong. Strength is the most important factor of surviving this rollercoaster ride called life. So although this may slow my life down a little, it will not stop it completely. I'm still living, still breathing, and will continue to do so no matter what it takes.

Song of the day: Any song that helps you get through the bad times.

Monday, August 24, 2009

If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough.

Jump. Dive headfirst. Take control. Be your own destiny. Sure, I've heard the infamous line "But if I risk it all, I might lose it all." I can guarantee there's not a soul out there who hasn't thought this or said this. And yes, you may be right. You just may lose it all. But honestly, is that really such a bad thing? You will rise above the losses and in turn you will gain strength... strength that proves you can handle any tough situation life may throw at you.

Life is about taking chances, so why doesn't anyone take any? Rejection, fear, anxiety, nervousness, does this sound familiar to anyone? These are the classic symptoms that seem to appear whenever the opportunity to take a chance arrises. But stop fretting. Lay your heart and soul out there and see what happens. It could just be the best thing you could possibly do for yourself. Whether it's going for that big promotion, or talking to that boy/girl you like, take that risk.
Advice of the day: Never regret anything because at one time, it was something you really wanted.

I used to regret so many of the things I've done in my life. I've made so many mistakes and taken so many risks, and yes, I've sometimes lost it all. I've been down on my knees, praying for someone to save me. But I saved myself. Sure, I leaned on the loved ones who surrounded me, and used them for guidance and support. Ultimately, though, it was I who picked myself back up, it was I who fought through the struggle. And I won. I consider myself to be a very strong individual, but that strength was not something I've always had. I gained it. And to me, that strength is enough to carry me through life like a shield. I can take the risks now. I can handle them. And to me, that is the ultimate gift of life... so please, don't just dip your toes, cannonball into that water and see how big of a splash you can make!

Song of the day: Kelly Clarkson "Long Shot"

Friday, August 21, 2009

Be yourself... who else is better qualified?

I'm just a simple girl from a simple family who lives in a simple place... I have simple best friends and a seemingly simple life. But then, does anyone really consider themselves to have a simple life? I know that I consider my life to be quite complicated in contrast to the simple life I've described. I've gone through the same things any young person living in today's world has gone through. I've had my heart broken, my will snapped in half, and my trust flushed down the drain. I've had my car vandalized, I've had my rent money stolen from me by my very own roommate, I've been backstabbed by the people whom were closest to me. I've had an alcohol abuse problem (and have since risen above it). I've had attention issues, anger management problems, and a deep, dark depression that still comes about uninvited. I've been there, done that. But through all the pain, all the anguish, and all of the fear, I've become something even stronger that those things combined... I've become myself.

I have never lost touch with myself completely. Sure, I've lost myself to the point where I didn't think I would be able to find myself again... but I was always there, deep in the depths of my very soul. It took a lot for me to find the pieces of me again, but I did. I succeeded.

Does anyone ever feel this way? Like you're losing yourself to everything surrounding you... your friends and family, your worst enemies, the constant rushing of the daily rat race, where you live, the television, and even the computer where I now sit writing this. All of these things take hold of you with the grip of iron and steel.

My words of advice for today: Take your time, don't live too fast, troubles will come and they will pass.

What does this have to do with being yourself, you may be asking. Well, it has EVERYTHING to do with being yourself. Allow yourself time to breathe, time to relax and unwind. You'll find that all the answers to your questions will instantly appear when you meditate. No, meditating isn't necessarily the stereotypical type you're thinking of... meditating doesn't have to be sitting cross-legged on the floor with your thumbs and index fingers touching while you're humming to yourself. Meditation can be anything, anything at all that relaxes you. Reading, writing, painting, exercising, listening to calming music, taking hot bubble baths, yoga, or even sleeping could be your escape. Believe me, without my periods of alone time, I would go completely insane. So just remember... you're the only one who can live your life, you're the only one who can create your own happiness... reward your precious self with some peace of mind.

Song of the day: Anna Nalick "Breathe (2 A.M.)"
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